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Frequent Flyer Miles… and Marriage

I ‘m not a regular mom, I am a cool stay-at-home mom

My husband and I came to the decision that I would be a stay at home mom for several reasons.

1. We wanted one of us to always be within reach of our children. My previous job would had required me to travel and since he travels then there would have been times where both of us would be absent.

2. Focus on growing our business and venture into new ones… I am a millennial mom after all 🙂 I create opportunities, not sit and wait for them (aaaoooooowwww) lol.

3. I had reached my salary potential, and just did not see the worth in returning. There was much more value in me growing
our businesses and pursuing my dreams while raising our daughters.

So while this decision was great for us, there was still the issue that my husband is still traveling extensively for work. Let’s cut to the chase. Having a traveling partner can take a toll on you, your spouse, the children and the household. A traveling partner leaves a void in the household that when he/she is present that void may still be there because you’re trying to recover from the moments he/she was gone.

What helps us recover and cope with my husband’s travel is realizing how crucial miscommunication (whether small or large) can make everything go to shiz. Curbing your pride to ensure conversations don’t become petty will ensure that when you guys are together it’s enjoyable!

Add value to your “Me time”

Take advantage of the time away by embracing the healthy space allotted which gives you guys a deeper connection when you’re together. Enjoy your social life, and really focus on your personal goals/projects by having the extra time after the kids are asleep…which is what I do. You can catch me doing a late-night workout to literally trying to build an empire at night. Yes, I am dead tired, but frankly having that time is so productive for me, I find a lot of value in this “me time” and when hubs is home, I can dedicate my nights to netflixin’ and chill :).

You might snap…just sayin’

Avoid a tense situation by making assumptions which lead to unnecessary arguments. It happens, I have learned through trial and error. I once snapped at my husband for not calling in time to wish our daughters good night…and frankly I did not even consider that he only had one electric converter port to charge all his devices, laptop, personal phone, work phone, headset etc. So things like this can happen, and at the moment I was ready for war. Yes, calling home is important and no I did not have to snap over this…I can still achieve to understand why he didn’t call when he said he would, by simply changing my tone and perspective. Really, it’s all about how we say things. However, I knew I was under a lot of stress, and coping with multiple demanding priorities and that was basically the cherry on top, that set me off. So trial and error it is, I am much more mindful these days and truly my experience has made me so much more understanding . Former on this you can look up “spouse resentment + travel”.

Outsource time consuming chores

Try to tap out of those cultural expectations of how to behave when your spouse travels (i.e. making 5 course meals… not!). Hubby and I have broken a lot of those traditional/social norms. He understands that life goes on without him around, and therefore we at times have to make decisions on our behalf without consulting… and often it’s me. I take lead in most  home/kid based decisions. For example, I don’t have to wait around for him to make a decision on pest-control or when to schedule a medical exam for the kids. We have very defined roles in our relationship. I manage our businesses from home, he gets updates and when necessary we’ll do a deep-dive. Whenever I am moving a large sum, I send him an FYI; when it comes to his career we also approach that as partners… we discuss the best options for us, and carry on, because at the end of the day we are both working towards one goal in mind… though we arrive from different channels. You get me? Finally, on this topic we also outsource  a lot of those time consuming tasks. By hiring someone for lawn service, pest, home repairs, and even home deep cleaning we buy ourselves much more family time. We also use amazon.com/fresh for our shopping lists when things get a little crazy. It works for us, it can work for you.

Some quick  no-no’s

  • Choose your battles
  • Don’t bring anything up that can wait to be discussed later
  • Be mindful of each other’s tasks and sacrifices
  • Don’t book social gatherings the day after travel
  • Don’t forget to tell how much you guys miss each other
  • Try not to establish a calling schedule since this can be stressful and frustrating if a call is missed. Both work and babies can be unpredictable. Do however leverage other forms of communications like sweet texts or a 5 min FaceTime vs 1 hour call. Quality over quantity.
  • Life goes on. Do not get in the habit of accommodating things to traveling spouse… there are exceptions but don’t over stress yourself.

Now don’t get me wrong, having the experience of traveling domestic and abroad is a great opportunity for your spouse and essentially for you and your family. Just look at the perks…being able to travel with your mate on his/her trips, free upgrades at hotels and airlines when we travel as a family, and the cutest souvenirs from around the world! And while we’re talking (perks), I can selfishly take shortcuts around the house to just cater to the kids and I… pizza or cereal for dinner anyone? 👧🏻👶🏻

Don’t let a traveling spouse put a damper in a temporary situation. Love the right now moments and look forward to them while he/she is away! Remember to be mindful of each other, remember that you both chose this life, and do not forget to remind each other how much love and miss one another. The end.

What did think? comment below. Thank you y hasta luego.

Mary

2 replies
    • Mary Vasquez
      Mary Vasquez says:

      Hey Esme, I am so glad you found this helpful. At first it was not easy, but ya con el tiempo las costs que pony mejor. It’s now a lifestyle for us, and to degree has made us mature a whole lot… you’ll be surprised at how petty grown-ups can be when we get mad lol

      Reply

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